I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
MIDGETS
????
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I did not marry a roomba.
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