she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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