I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
