my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
