and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
