What a fucking waste of an outfit
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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