I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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