I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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