I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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