I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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