Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
