he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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