Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
