and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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