I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
