He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
