do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
