we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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