Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my shit smells like andre
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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