a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
