i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
