I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
