Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
