What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
