girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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