I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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