Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
