problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
