I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize