remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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