so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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