chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
