I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
