did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
