I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
