Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can I color on your dick again?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
