my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize