i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
