As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
