You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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