i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
