You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Buhtt sex?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
