Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
