so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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