i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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