it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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