worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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