I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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