I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
time to smoke my breakfast
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
