i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
