I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
