If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
