so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
