thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
