I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
