You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
