I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
