Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
