Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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