I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
