if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
