I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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