Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
