singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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