smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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