You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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