My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I will pee on everything he values.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
