I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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