So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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