im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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