I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
