I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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