Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
