I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
two words...techno handjob
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
